USE 1) A SENSE OF HUMOR IF ADDRESSING A RELATIVELY SERIOUS PROBLEM OF THE UNIVERSE "When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity." - "My knowledge of the universe is that if I write... jokes, the universe gives me a really nice house and great meals. "There is no such thing as patriotic art and patriotic science. Both art and science belong, like all things great and good, to the whole world..." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe 2) A SECURE NON-GOV ELECTRONIC MAIL "SPAM is taking e-mail,... exploiting the idea that it's very inexpensive to send mail." - William Henry Gates III AS A PRINCIPAL SCIENTIST, PI, AND MEDICAL OFFICER IN RESERVE, DR. ANDREY P. BABENKO, MSC, MD, PhD, USES HIS PRIVATE ELECTRONIC WEB MAIL ADDRESS ANDREY AT BABENKOWEB.COM. AS A RESEARCH SCIENTIST, ILONA M. BABENKO, MS, EMPLOYS THE BEST PUBLIC RESEARCH UNIVERSITY WEB E-MAIL IBABENKO@UW.EDU, WHICH CAN BE USED TO REQUEST HER ПЕРСОНАЛЬНЫЙ E-MAIL ADDRESS. AS A MEDICAL RESEARCH MANAGER TRAVELING A LOT, TAMARA A. BABENKO, BS, MAY PAUSE CHECKING HER OFFICE EMAIL, BUT THE E-MAIL ABOVE CAN BE USED TO ASK HOW TO GET IN TOUCH WITH КНЯЖНА АНДРЕЕВНА. 3) A VIRTUALLY UNHACKABLE MAIL "I love anything that can arrive with a postage stamp.There's something about that person's breath and hands on the letter." - Diane Lane MAIL SAMPLES, INSTRUMENTS, DOCUMENTS, CHECKS, ORDERS, ОРДЕНS, COLLECTIBLE BOOKS AND ANYTHING ELSE RELATED TO RESEARCH AND/OR EDUCATION TO: ATTN OF DR. ANDREY P. BABENKO AND/OR ILONA M. BABENKO, 3504 88TH AVENUE SOUTHEAST, MERCER ISLAND, WASHINGTON [STATE, NOT WASHINGTON IN THE DISTRICT OF COLUMBIA] 98040 ANYTHING SPECIAL FOR TAMARA A. BABENKO MUST BE DELIVERED BY A HANSOM CARRIER INTELLIGENT ENOUGH TO FIGURE OUT WHERE SHE IS. 4) A TELEPHONE "Nobody is listening to your telephone calls" - Barack Hussein Obama, the 44th Persident in the Ununited State$ BUZZ UN PRIVÉ OFFICE PHONE SYSTEM TO LEAVE A VOICE MESSAGE FOR ANDREY, ILONA AND/OR TAMARA BABENKO 1 (206) 420-4111 THE ANDROPHABLET'S NUMBER TO COMMUNICATE WITH MISTER BABENKO VIRTUALLY ANYWHERE IN NOOSPHERE IS REQUESTABLE AT 1.206.420.4111 THE SMARTPHONE'S NÚMERO TO TRACK MADAM BABENKO ALMOST ANYWHERE IN THE NORTH AMERICA IS 206-369-8764 LE NOMBRE DE LA PROCHAINE GÉNÉRATION PORTABLE TO TRY TO REACH MLLE BABENKO IN ETAS UNIT MAY BE REQUESTED VIA THE SMARTPHONE'S NÚMERO INDICATED ABOVE 5) A RELIABLE FTP SERVER "A lot of the machines that Google is built on—commodity is the polite word for them—they are regular PCs and so they're not always the most reliable.” - Jessica Livingston REQUEST THE ADDRESS OF THE MOST RELIABLE, CUSTOM BUILT FROM JAPANESE COMPONENTS, MULTI-PLATFORM, BABENKO LAB FTP SERVER VIA ANDREY@BABENKOWEB.COM 6) ABSOLUTELY NO COMMUNICATION VIA ANY SOCIAL MANIPULATION PLATFORM (SMP) "People take things at face value on social media. Earnestness is the assumption." - Mindy Kaling NO AFOREMENTIONED BABENKO USES TWITTER, LINKEDID, VK, FACEBOOK, OR ANY OTHER SOCIAL MADNESS PANEL. "Social media is an amazing tool, but it's really the face-to-face interaction that makes a long-term impact." - Felicia Day 7) THE OLDEST - AND STILL THE BEST - WAY TO COMMUNICATE, FACE-À-FACE "Face-to-face communication is really the way to go, but some people can't do that." - Karen Mall, then with AHF TO FACE ANDREY PETROVICH AT A RED SUNSET, BE AT THE GLOBAL NAVIGATION SPUTNIK SYSTEM COORDINATES: 47.595167, -122.228056 TO SEE ILONA MIKHAILOVNA AT A BLUE MOON RISE, USE GLONASS-M-CORRECTED GPS COORDINATES: 47°35'00.43"N 122°12'54.48"W AEROSPACE FORCES-TRUSTED KOORDINATES TO BE PRECISELY HIT BY TAMARA'S NEO-RETRO MOTOBECANE SOUS VENUS CAN BE REQUESTED BY A BRAVE, NOT OVER-CONFIDENT, PROPERLY SELF-INTRODUCED, INTELLIGENT, NEVER DROPPED-OUT, NOT ONLINE GRADUATED, NOT IPHONY TALKING, BI+LINGUAL, AN ADVANCED DEGREE-POSSESSING OR EARNING, INDEPENDENTLY LIVING, NOTHING SMOKING, NEVER DRUGGED, NEVER NAILED, NEVER DUMPED, MORE GRAY-EYED, STRAIGHT AND FAST-WALKING, >8 CM-TALLER, OMNIVOROUS, NORMAL-BMI, CHR Y GENES EXPRESSING, AND OTHERWISE NORMAL, GEN Y MALE H. INTELLIGENTUS, FROM HER YAYA YA-YA+DYUDYA, IDENTIFIABLE NOT BY BINGO-YAHOO-GOOGLING, BUT THROUGH THE EARLIER INVENTED INTELLIGENT ЯНДЕКС-ING OF THEIR TRUE IMAGE  |
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